Writing Your Own Vows (Part One)

The strange times that we’re in right now mean we have lots of time for reflection. Why not put that time to good use and consider writing your own vows?

There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to writing vows, but there are some questions and tips to help you write memorable, meaningful vows which we’ll be looking at over the next few weeks.

Ok, so while I said there’s no right or wrong, there is one thing you absolutely must do before you start, and that is check with your partner that they’re alright with the idea. There’s no point in you spending hours working on it, if your partner hates the idea.

And if it’s not their thing, be respectful of that. You don’t want to start married life forcing them to do something they don’t want to.

The next thing you should really do is agree a time limit for your vows and agree on a tone. Romantic or humorous, traditional or modern, all styles are right if they work for your relationship but you both should be working towards the same one.

Now you have the basics such as length of vows and theme, there is no time like the present to get started. Do not leave this until a week before the wedding.

Now all this may come easily to some people. You might read this far, grab a pen and write something amazing in ten minutes. For others, this may be more of a labour of love and you need a little more guidance, so here are some questions to get your started.

• When was the first time you met?
• What was it that made you agree to having more dates with them?
• When did you realise you loved your partner?
• Why did you decide to get married?
• How has your life changed with your partner in it?
• What do you miss about them when they’re not there?
• When you’re having a bad day, what do they do to make it better?
• How have you faced tough times together?
• When you think about your future together, what do you see?
• What little things do you do to show them you care or support them when they’re having a tough time?

These questions will help jog your memory as well as work on your reflection to pinpoint those unique aspects of your relationship that have brought you to your wedding day. If it helps, go through photos and mementos to kick start your memory.

It might be worth writing a list rather than trying to go straight to writing prose, because lists help you organise your thoughts better. When my daughter does this at school, it’s called hot writing because they’re planning what they’re going to write before they do it. Clever, huh?

With these ideas to get you started, you should have loads of material to start drafting your vows, and we’ll look at how to pull it altogether in the next blog.